I vaguely remember this happening with baby Brianna during her 5th week of life. But somehow my memory glossed over that horrible night and thought perhaps I would be spared this time around. But no, it happened again. Just last night. I broke down. I cried and cried. The sun was just barely rising, both babies were up, and I hadn't closed my eyes for more than an hour. And I hadn't closed my eyes for more than 3 consecutive hours for the past 5 weeks. My head hurt, my eyelids hurt, my stomach hurt, and of course my lacerated patellar tendon didn't help. I didn't want to bug Brian - he had been up with me most of the night already, and had to leave for a 12 hour work day soon. I knew Brianna would be up with the sun and I'd probably have to feed her or something. Everything was just so overwhelming at that moment - physically and mentally. I prayed for help to suck it up and somehow be able to do what I needed to do. Apparently that helped because I'm alive now a day later to write about it. And the only reason I'm writing about this now is so I'll have a reality check to read in case I'm baby hungry in anything less than 4 years. I hope my baby sleep books are right and that the 6th week will magically be better (something about the cortisol levels in their brains finally being sufficient for them to sleep 5-6 hrs at a time). But our babies were 2 weeks early, so will the 6th week developments happen in their 8th week?! I hope not. I'm wondering if this 5th week crash happens to every mom. By this time, offers for assistance have declined, yet baby's habits aren't much different than week one. And for the first few weeks, surviving on the 1-3 hour naps is totally manageable. But it catches up to ya. Then right when you think you'll just DIE and leave your precious child(ren) semi-orphaned.... that fabulous first sleep-through-the-night occurs. I clearly remember when it first happened with baby Brianna. Pretty sure I cried again - tears of joy this time. So we're toughing it out til then. I'm really glad I had one single baby first instead of twins first. Or I may not have had any more.
Quick baby update: they eat, sleep, and poop. That's about it. I'll go out on a limb and label them: Bennett's the gassy one, Courtney's the spit-up queen. Courtney's our bright-eyed beauty, Bennett is the serious furrowed-brow man. Both nurse well, both are chunking out slowly but surely. I think I may have even seen some sweet fat rolls on them today. They sleep in their car seats (cause I'm paranoid about them choking on spitup) next to a sound machine playing ocean noises. They sneeze a lot and have occasional boogers - thanks to a c-section with no labor. They cuddle up under my neck with their bums sticking out and legs tucked in. That's my favorite.
I have to stop typing now because staring at this monitor is burning my eyeballs. Good night (or good day - there's no difference).
5 comments:
Ohhh I'm feeling sooo bad for your right now!!!! The memories are still fresh in my mind of that miserable - YES I SAID MISERABLE - time! There are no words to describle the exhaustion you feel with newborn twins. I think God knows who he can and can't dish it out to though. You are tough. If I did it, YOU CAN DO IT! GO MOMMA!
Ok. You need some sleep. What time does Brianna go to bed at night? I am comin over and you can't stop me!
I wish I were feeling better. I don't want to bring sick germs over to your house. But, if all is well on Monday (and I am not at a birth) can I please please PLEASE come over?
I will hold babies. I will do dishes, laundry, whatever. If you need me to hold the fort while you go outside for fresh air, I can do that too. Or just take a shower. Whatever you need.
Let's plan on Monday afternoon, after we are done with our homeschooling. You okay with that? I can probably stay two or three hours.
I wish I was closer so I could come over and help. I don't remember a week 5 breakdown, but I distinctly remember a day 4 breakdown. You have so much on your hands. I am pretty sure you have a special spot reserved for you in heaven :)
oh I so, so, wish I lived in UT. I would drive to see you and do whatever you need. I remember a breakdown at about 4/5 wks with Jacob - that is when I finally gave in and pulled Madeleine out of preschool....driving 30 min. each way to a preschool with a newborn, 2 yr. and 4 yr. old was NOT going to happen I realized! I replied on another post - but you really will be in my prayers. I know HE will help you, something/one will help you out and this too shall pass...I just hope you get some sleep before you pass out!
Hugs and loves.
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