Delivery Day

The last pregnant couple photo

FINALLY! I have this post done. It's been in draft mode for over 3 weeks as I've slowly been working on it. Slowly - because that's how I have to do everything these days. So frustrating. But I'm so grateful for the help from friends/neighbors we're receiving.
Ok, on with the BIRTHday details. It's all getting blurrier as the days go by, but there are a few things I can and want to remember. Warning: lots of TMI details here. If you're squeamish, don't read on. Or if you're going to judge me for sharing so much, don't read on.
Wednesday night before the early Thursday morning scheduled delivery was a little surreal. I think that word is overused, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. I was SO very pregnant and large, yet felt just fine and normal. Like being pregnant was all I could remember being and all I would ever be. I kept thinking something would happen to change the plans for the next day, and I would just keep on incubating my little ones. But the hours kept slipping away really fast. Mom arrived in the evening and we went to my ward's R.S. progressive dinner/game night. It was weird to respond "tomorrow morning" every time I was asked when the babies were coming.

I do not miss being pregnant.
Though I do miss the legitimate excuse 
to be big bellied.

It was also weird to still be hearing everyone make comments about my size - either that I looked like I was about to burst, or that I didn't look at all like I was having twins. It made me wonder what a person having twins was supposed to look like, since apparently I didn't fit the bill. Brian and I stayed up chatting with mom for awhile, but soon it was nearly midnight and I went to bed simply because I knew I should, but I really wasn't tired. I didn't sleep much - I had to switch sides I was sleeping on every hour because the pressure on my spine would hurt. I remember thinking that although I knew the babies might be better off with another week of in-utero growth, I was so grateful to be DONE. I made it 38 weeks. That's full term, technically. It's not 40 weeks though, which I think is ideal. But then again I think some people get too caught up in numbers. I believe the whole point of pregnancy is for a mom to deliver healthy babies at a time that's healthy for her. I mean - I could've delayed the c-section another week if I wanted. The doc was ok with that (he actually let me make a lot of decisions for myself and was pretty flexible and hands-off during the last couple months of pregnancy). But honestly - I didn't want the risks that go with getting too big. I wanted my babies out while everything was going perfectly smooth. I don't handle preventable tragedies very well. Thursday morning at 4am my alarm went off and I jumped out of bed. Literally. I was so excited to get going with the day and do my last pregnant run. Brian was so awesome to go with me. We just went a couple miles. It felt awesome. I love running before the sun comes up. And I can't wait to start running again someday. My doc made me promise to wait at least 2 weeks. His exact words were something like, "I know you know the standard recommendation is to not exercise until 6 weeks postpartum. And I know you won't follow that. But please trust me - wait at least a couple weeks." He's a nice guy. I didn't like him at first, but I think if we're still in Cedar and if I want to get pregnant again, we'd go back to him.

Debra and Tom - surrogate grandparents to our children!

 Our neighbors, Tom and Debra, were nice enough to come over at 4:45am and hang out until Brianna woke up. They said she was pretty surprised to come out around 7am and see them sitting on the couch.
I didn't really give Brianna a lot of details about what was going to happen. I just told her that I would be going to the doctor the next day to get the babies out of my tummy. She seemed to understand that pretty well and was excited about it. Tom and Debra brought her over to the hospital around 10am and I was really happy to see her.

Registering to give birth. How non-au-naturel is that?!

It's true what everyone says - when you have new babies, your older "baby" suddenly grows two feet and gains 20 pounds. Brianna seems HUGE to me now. So huge. When I pick her up it's such a shock because I swear she didn't seem so heavy just a couple weeks ago, when I was totting her around, plus 38 pounds of pregnancy weight.

TWO external HR monitors - pink and blue! 

Brian took it upon himself to "coach" me 
through our game-day strategy.

Yep, that was my final total. That's good for twins, but I'm still left now with 15 or so to get rid of on my own. And I have to eat enough to be able to feed both of them, and I don't have a lot of time or flexibility to exercise... and I'm hungry/thirsty all the time (especially at night, which is so annoying), so it could be awhile before I'm happy with how my clothes fit. Oh well. So back to delivery story - We arrived through the ER doors and took photo/video the whole way. Brian and mom and I were ridiculously excited about this. I'm pretty sure I was skipping through the parking lot.
Oh well. Keep reminding myself... healthy babies, healthy babies... that's all that matters. So after registering we walked back to the labor area and I changed into those horrible hospital gowns and they started the poking and shooting and testing and monitoring. Ugh. I felt like a science experiment.

Some of the nurses were really kind and personable. Some never even looked me in the eye and just quickly went about doing what they had to do. Like I was a pinata to prep for cinco de mayo.

Pretty sure the nurses were totally annoyed at 
my billions of pre-op questions. 
And that I showed up twenty minutes late. 
Maybe that's why most weren't very nice.

Totally not doing a peace sign.  Mom said, 
"show me how many babies you're having!" 
Notice the expressions on our faces - 
we're humoring her.

Brian in his surgical gown. He looks a little too happy 
to be heading in to watch his wife get sliced open. 
I think we'll save the outfit for Halloween. Astronaut Brian!

One nurse put me in the worst pain I had felt in a long time when she burst a vein on top of my hand while inserting a needle for IVs. I cried. She cursed. And still never looked me in the eye nor apologized. An older nurse came in later and put the IV in on my other hand, but first numbed the area. I asked why the first nurse hadn't done that too and saved me the excruciating pain. She replied, "oh, some nurses get a little forgetful at the end of their 12-hour shift." Lovely. Good thing I was working with a fresh crew at 6am. And what a crew it was! When they wheeled me into the big white operating room, it was like I was being taken into a huge party. There were SO many people in there.
 I recognized our pediatrician standing to the side. He had a big goofy grin and was chatting with everyone like it was HIS birthday. Excited about two new patients, maybe? I don't know. By that time I was getting the "shakes" from the meds. In retrospect, I only realize now how "out of it" I was. At the time, I was totally sure they hadn't given me enough drugs because I felt totally coherent and in control of my thoughts and emotions.

My BABIES!

Hands full, heart fuller.

 But later Brian told me that during the intense pulling and tugging part, I started quietly singing the words to the Winnie the Pooh song. I guess to take my mind off it?? I don't remember that. But I believe Brian - he's a horrible liar so I always know when he's making things up or exaggerating. I'm glad he didn't catch my singing on camera. Yep, he VIDEOTAPED the c-section! Not the actual cutting, but right after. Kinda gory maybe, but I love watching the whole miracle over and over again. It was odd seeing myself be so totally overcome emotionally. I really didn't think I'd have such an intense overwhelming reaction.

Being handed two infants - MY two children - at the same time is the most incredible experience I've ever had.

I know - not the most attractive photo of me. 
But the most incredible moment of my life
has to go on the blog.

There's no way to describe it. I get a similar feeling occasionally when I'm nursing them together quietly in the middle of the night by myself. I think most moms can relate to this - but have to just imagine doubling it. I wish I could relive that moment again and again. Just that moment. Not the before and after parts, where I'm in pain. C-sections are not the way to go. I mean, I'm so grateful that we have competent medical professionals and facilities to enable people like me to have completely safe births... but I don't understand women who elect to go this way. A lot of mistakes can happen when you're dealing with major surgery. Especially if your doctor has a billion other patients and perhaps gets them confused. For example... a doctor might forget what time a particular patient had their operation, and that that patient needed to keep a catheter in for at least 24 hours. He might remove the catheter too early before the bladder was ready to function on it's own. That would cause the patient to wake up at 4am in excruciating pain, with a bladder so full and distended that it could not empty itself. The patient would be sobbing, causing her c-section incision more pain than a thousand sneezes and coughs. That doctor would then have to reinsert the catheter, and empty the gallon (!) of IV fluids that caused the abnormally full bladder. A smart doctor would then leave the catheter in for another few hours or maybe a full day. But a thoughtless one would leave the naive patient catheterless, causing the whole painful ordeal to happen again a few hours later. At that point, the patient's bladder would be so weakened that it could not function on it's own. So the patient would have to go home with a catheter in, carrying her own bag of urine around for a full week. Like a golden purse. Sounds fun, eh? Not that I would know. This is a hypothetical situation of course. Because sharing such personal and disgusting details on a public blog would be inappropriate and TMI. Moving on....

Dontcha just love these finger-holding pictures?! So sweet.

Brianna's first glimpse at her siblings. Love at first site!

So it was only about 20-30 minutes after their birth that I got to start nursing my babies and have them in my room with me permanently. That was a relief, because I didn't get Brianna until 2 hours after that c-section. I learned from my mistake with her - I didn't let the nurses convince me to send these babies to the nursery. I had bad experiences doing that with baby Brianna. So Courtney and Bennett stayed with me the whole time. They were quickly named Courtney and Bennett, just tentatively, because I felt horrible saying, "Can you hand me the boy?... Our girl needs a diaper change....  Our boy is sleeping... The girl looks hungry...."  Yeah - see - it sounds awkward. So we filled out the birth cert papers but I still debated about changing the names to Bridgette and Carson all the way until we actually left on Saturday afternoon.

F. H. E.

So I spent the next 48 hours at the hospital. I got to have their largest "suite" and I was fortunate to be one of only 2 patients in the whole Labor and Delivery department. So the nurses weren't too busy. They had plenty of time to sit around the front desk chatting and snacking. When I pressed the call button they eventually sauntered in. But of course when I finally fell asleep for little naps they felt the need to wake me up to take my blood pressure. Slightly annoying. I was definitely eager to get outta there. Though I probably should've stayed a full 3 days because I went home still in pain and the babies didn't have a chance to show the nurses what good poopers they were. Yeah - the nurses actually made me record everything that went into the diapers and every minute spent nursing. Yeah right! I could hardly remember which baby I was holding, let alone remember who ate at what time and for how long.

I love the expression on her face as she's about to
hold Courtney. Brianna was absolutely delighted 
and obsessed with her new siblings.

Courtney had a tiny bit of jaundice. When I heard that I had a minor panic attack, picturing her having to go home with one of those light-therapy suitcases. Fortunately they have "bili-pads" and she just laid on it, still wrapped up and in my arms. Her bilirubin levels were back to normal by the next testing. She also tested low on blood sugar once. The nurse came in with a bottle of Similac. I had another minor panic attack. I stayed very calm and polite as I informed her that there was basically no way in Hades that she was putting anything in my child's mouth. Pretty sure she hated me from that point on. I don't care. I won. I made Courtney eat a lot more for the rest of the day, and her next test was just fine. Bennett never had any issues, other than disobeying my orders to weight at least 6 pounds before being born. But I guess if you average their two birth weights, it was 6 pounds each. So maybe they were working together to be obedient.
Introducing Brianna to her new siblings was an event I had been anxiously anticipating for so long. We've talked to her a lot about the babies on the way. Sometimes I thought she might have understood, other times she appeared pretty oblivious to the fact that her life would drastically change. I'll never forget the ways her eyes lit up when she walked in the room. She came right over to me and wanted to sit with me. Brian brought her up to me, then the babies. I was finally holding all of my children. I can't even describe how awesome that was. I feel so incredibly blessed. I have THREE healthy beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Life doesn't get much better than this.
I was surprised how many visitors we had. I love having visitors in the hospital, but I think some people hesitate because they don't want to intrude. But I'm glad we had a steady stream, and never too many at once or anyone that stayed too long. I won't list everyone now, because it's all a blur and I'm sure I'll forget someone.
Painful side effect of having twins via cesarean: AIR BUBBLES in my shoulders. When the doc had to reach up inside me to get Bennett (he went transverse after Courtney came out), air got into my body and traveled up to my shoulders. Only people who've experienced this know how painful and annoying it is. The bubbles didn't go away for 3 days.

We are a family of FIVE.  Wow.

My marching orders from the nurse: 
rest, love on the babies, stand 
bedside, walk around room. The first 
two were much less painful than the last.

By Friday night I was pretty eager to go HOME. The checkout process on Saturday ended up taking way longer than planned. I was still in a lot of pain and very uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I just wanted OUT. I was so tired of all the poking and testing and charting.... ugh. I even skipped the 2 day post-jaundice checkup at the Pediatrician's office because I didn't want to deal with more unnecessary medical bullcrap protocol.

My siblings should all be made aware that I am now officially mom's favorite, 
because I gave her two grandchildren in one day. Booyah!

Three Generations

Having mom there was awesome. The woman who went through birth to get me here was there to watch me do the same for my babies. The support and unconditional love she offers gives me so much strength and reassurance. She never complained about anything she had to do for us. My mother is one of the most selfless people I know. I don't know how we would've done this birth experience without her to help us. 
But no one gets a bigger THANKS than my husband. I couldn't ask for a better coach. He was there every second to console me and celebrate with me and assure me everything would be ok. I love my husband more now than ever.
So... there's my story. The short version  ;)
I'll finish off with more photos: