Despite the distance we've stayed pretty close. She's one of those friends that I can just call up anytime and talk with for hours.
She came to my wedding in SLC - here she is, giving me away to Brian:
Giving a very heartfelt speech at our wedding luncheon:
Last week, I received a postcard from Maria in the mail. We have a tradition of sharing significant news with each other via snail-mail. Her big announcement: she was finally engaged to her boyfriend of 5 years. He proposed at the Rockefeller in NYC. She immediately bought a postcard in their giftshop for me (yep - on the night of her engagement, she thought of ME! :)
I actually have never even met Julian. But I have to assume he is a decent guy - my Maria (sing the song) wouldn't settle for less. Stole this photo off Facebook:
So of course, I have the honor of being her bridesmaid. But unfortunately, she wants her bridesmaids in a dress like this:
Pretty huh? Though it's missing something... can't quite put my finger on it.... oh yeah - FABRIC. But I seem to be the only one in this world who has a problem with it. Even my parents compared this event to one of my races - "you wear the uniform for the event." Maria sent me a text, "I know it's not as conservative as you would like, but it's just for the ceremony and pictures..."
I had quite the internal struggle over this one. Which was almost a novelty for me - I haven't had my standards seriously challenged in years because of the environment I've put myself in.
But I've made covenants with God. These sacred promises involve wearing garments as a protective reminder. They aren't to be taken off just to "fit in." A Catholic shouldn't eat meat on good Friday just because it's on sale. A fish doesn't leave it's school just because the water looks good elsewhere. And I'm not going in public under-dressed unless there's a swimming pool nearby (there's an idea - do a water-wedding so we can feel justified in partial nudity).
Maria knows me. She knows I'm stubborn. But she tried and tried ("what about a 4 inch strap...what about just an open back... c'mon, I'm TRYING here - can't you compromise too??") Ouch. What kind of friend am I? One who won't work towards a happy medium... one who knowingly stresses her friend out... I felt like such a Pharisee.
To answer her seemingly endless questions of how-low-can-I-go, I sent her the following email:
Hey Mojo - super glad we got to talk today.
So recap - this is YOUR big day, and you deserve to get to have it look however you want it to. When it's all over, the only thing you'll have are pictures and memories. They all should be good ones.
The last thing you need to stress about is Ms. Chelsea.
I will be happy as a clam to sit on the sidelines wearing my Polynesian MU-MU, cheering you and your ladies on.
But since you did send that last text asking for clarification on my dress standards...
here are a few websites with pics of gowns I could adorn.
http://beautifullymodest.com/
http://www.totallymodest.com/
http://www.
http://www.latterdaybride.com/
OH - and remember - the goal is to put your bridesmaids in UGLY dresses - makes you look even more gorgeous! (as if that's possible!)
love ya ~
She checked out all the sites. Her response: "they all look the exact SAME! No style!"
Sigh.
So I was resigned to my fate - I wouldn't be one of her bridesmaids.
BUT SUDDENLY... the clouds parted and the sun broke through...
Maria sent me a link to a picture of THIS:
It's a spaghetti-strap dress - but with a little jacket that I can have sewn on! Maria was so proud of herself for finding a solution.
So was I.
May 22, 2010 - I'll be in Florida for the biggest day of my friend's life. And there will be no regrets for anyone.
19 comments:
yay! good for you, those situations are way tough. but you will never have regrets, and you will look totally stunning in that dress!!
Go Chelsea! I am so proud of you. Modest is the hottest you know :)
I'm really proud of you and glad we are friends! I know so many girls right now that are choosing differently and it always feels so good to know I'm not alone in how I feel. Brianna is so lucky to have a momma who honors her covenants and lives what she preaches. I bet she'll always be a hot, modest girl, too. Thanks for your great example. Have fun being a beautiful bridesmaid!!!
Chels you make me smile :) I agree one hundred percent with you. Way to stick to everything you cherish. Thanks for sharing this story and reminding us to stand up for what we believe!
And the dress she found is still great, too. That story made me smile. Thanks for sharing, Chels.
Chels, you are an inspiration. I felt your emotions and the dilema right along with you as I read. I'm so proud. Can I send a link of this story to Kate Clark in Young women's? It would make such a wonderful lesson.
I'm glad this turned out well. And I'm proud of what you said and figured out. That must be hard with friendly pressure from someone you care about.
My best female friend and I will have this same discussion at some point in life. Thanks for helping me see a nice and totally honest way the work through the modest concern! By the way, wait until you see why I've been AWOL on my blogging lately!
Should have called me, Chels! My bff is getting married in August...same story here! However, prior to telling her that I wouldn't be in her wedding I told here that i WAS goign to be in the wedding, and that I would just have to wear a little "jacket"! I feel sad that her pictures won't look perfect for her, but she would prefer me being there, even if I don't match!
GOOD FOR YOU CHELSEA!! I can see where the struggle would have come in, what a great example to your daughter of keeping your standards AND covenants. Even though she's too little to understand this now, she will see pictures some day!! If she saw pictures of you wearing anything less than your standard, therein lies the justification needed to push any standard aside when it seems fit to do so! Just my thoughts!!
The dress that she chose for you IS really pretty though!! :)
amazing how things always work out...love ya
You go girl!!! I had to fight the same fight with the last wedding I was in. It was a strapless dress and I had a jacket made. You could totally pull that dress off with the jacket! SO is this when you are comin to visit me?!?!
good job chelsea!! So a similar situation happened to me a few years back. My best friend from high school was getting married and didn't know much about our standards in modesty, besides that I never wore scandalous stuff ;)I was stressing about how to go about telling her that I would not be able to wear the typical bridesmaid gowns and she said "oh I know that is why each bridesmaid will be a different style, just same color and length, but different tops" It worked out beautifully and she did it all because of me, it meant a lot to me that she would adjust her bridal lines gowns so that I could be right next to her on her big day! Doesn't it just make you feel so much better?! By the way congrats on the happy news for Brady and Jocelyn!
Way to go chels I too know of too many girls that make that compromise on cruises and vacation and special events, but for some reason I dont recall ever seeing a clause saying that you should wear G's unless you have a special event than everything goes out the window, Hey you could wear a string Bikini ;) J/K I am so happy for Maria that she is getting married to the one she loves. I have not seen her in forever and I remember that birthday party at her house I think I got her one of those little purrfect pet toys or something with the kittens. Man I dont know why I can remember that. :)
way to go chica...proud of you...thanks for the call. Will call you one of these days! Doing well!
I guess I'm a bad person (but I actually don't think I am). I'm sort of in your parents camp - that you're wearing your uniform for the day. I had the same issue a year ago with my best friend's wedding, and when it came down to it, decided that it was her day and that for me, I was comfortable wearing the (strapless) dress she chose because it was so important to her.
Bottom line - your convenants are your very own and they are very personal. So good job making the decision that was best for you, but people need to remember that it's personal, and individual.
I will read this with Madeleine tomorrow - she will think it's wonderful to hear a true Cinderella story where the girl is going to be at the party/ball, be dressed in the fashion and never comprising her standards or important covenants. These are personal promises we keep, and each time I hear the sacred words I remember why they are so vital to who we are and our choices as we stand up...not out in life. Did you hear the YW conference this past weekend? When it comes online go and listen to it...I happened to turn it on while I was making dinner on Saturday and kept tearing up as they focused on VIRTUE. I had no idea it was a new value...what a beautiful reminder of this great value that we can cherish more in our society and within our own lives. Thank you for being a virtuous and lovely example!
one more thought - I was just telling this story to Bryson and wanted to share...remember it's not about the dress - it's about the person in the dress. your friend will always remember you as strong, immovable (in the good way!) and stalwart...what a great image to think of when she looks back on those photos from her wedding. that little black dress and jacket symbolize something much greater than just a bridesmaid dress for the two of you!
WOW... I don't know how many of you will read this (ie, checked the "email followup comments" box), but I just have to say THANKYOU! I am amazed at all the feedback. I didn't even know this many people actually read my blog... it was so comforting to read the supportive comments. Even since making the decision I've questioned myself... thinking this is a gray situation, not black-and-white... I've prayed for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Then today in conference - Elder Oaks gave it! It felt like he was talking straight to me (amazing how they can do that - peer into your soul through the television) when he said, referring to the trends of immodesty: "We do not serve our Savior well if we fear man more than God... You can't be a lifesaver if you look like all the other swimmers on the beach."
Amen.
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