B+C+B+C+B+C: RegretfuLLLy

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

RegretfuLLLy

Is it ok if I post more Lactation-Helper stories? Is it boring? or TMI? Nothing flares up the Mommy Wars like a good breastfeeding conversation. But being a La Leche League Leader, it's a huge part of my life. I spend hours and hours answering calls, emails, leading group meetings, studying and researching Lactation as an academic subject....
I need a place to unload!
We'll see how this goes. Maybe I'll have to start a private blog for these stories, like I did for my running stuff, so I don't clog up the BCBCB blog.
Ok, tonight's story: I got a call tonight that made my heart and head hurt. A mom calling asking for weaning tips for her 3 month old baby who is severely allergic to milk and soy proteins. Mom prefers to put baby on expensive hypoallergenic formula than eliminate dairy & soy from her own diet. There's even a drug she can take to break down the proteins and still eat those things in moderation. But she just didn't want to. I was polite and gentle in my suggestions - not wanting to give a bad impression of LLL. We're here to help mothers who want to breastfeed. That's in the Mission Statement. But this one didn't want to. So I gave her the weaning tips she called for. But I DIED inside, thinking of the dozens of mothers I've helped who would've traded places with her in a second - desperate and crying for help with their various problems. They'd live off beans and rice for the rest of their LIVES if it meant they could give their child that tremendous gift of a biologically normal start. I imagine this is somewhat like working in a Fertility Clinic and an Abortion Clinic. Having to watch one mother throw away what another mother desperately wants.
I hate to sound judgmental, because I know every mother's situation is different and I can't begin to understand the whole picture of her circumstances. And I honestly don't think poorly of her or any other mother who makes similar choices. I just believe they don't fully understand the decision they're making, the long term consequences, and what they're taking away from themselves and their child. It's like those who slam the door on missionaries or refuse to accept the Gospel - they don't completely understand what they're doing and the repercussions of it.
Stepping off my soapbox now. :)

5 comments:

Sally Jackson said...: Oh I SO know that feeling of desperation for wanting someone to do the right thing but knowing they won't. It's hard to not get emotionally involved! As far as TMI, be careful how much info you put on your public blog. As LLL Leaders we promise to keep Mom's stories and names confidential. If a breastfeeding Mom found her story on a Leaders blog, she could be very offended, feel violated, or maybe even sue! (last ones not likely, but ya never know) Just be aware if the fine line that can be crossed. aloha; July 17, 2012 at 11:42 PM
Sally Jackson said...: I meant Be aware of the fine line that could be crossed if your not careful. I would find out what other Leaders do on their blogs. I know I am careful only to share positive stories, with the Mom's permission. Good luck; July 17, 2012 at 11:45 PM
Malerie said...: It' so cool that you get to be part of LLL. You'll be great at it. That sounds like a hard situation, especially since you're so passionate about it and of course know all of the benefits of making it work. It sounds like you handled it very gracefully. Good luck!; July 18, 2012 at 5:12 AM
Unknown said...: I've been in those shoes, but I went off dairy and soy and still breastfeed. HOw sad that she can't give up a few things for 6 months (most babies grow out of the intolerance at 9 months).

I like your stories, keep sharing, its great that people can come to you for help and advice!; July 18, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Hohmann Family said...: I wish I could've breastfed longer. Unfortunately, the longest I made it was 4 months. For my circumstances, I had to be okay with it - 'cause it wasn't going to change. But feeling your positive vibes gives me hope and renewed determination to do it again!; July 18, 2012 at 7:14 PM

Quotes I want to remember

"The Lord knows our bearing capacity, both as to coping and to comprehending, and He will not give us more to bear than we can manage at the moment, though to us it may seem otherwise. Just as no temptations will come to us from which we cannot escape or which we cannot bear, we will not be given more trials than we can sustain."
- Neal A. Maxwell

"It is a fundamental truth that the responsibilities of motherhood cannot be successfully delegated. No, not to day-care centers, not to schools, not to nurseries, not to babysitters. We become enamored with men's theories such as the idea of preschool training outside the home for young children. Not only does this put added pressure on the budget, but it places young children in an environment away from mother's influence."
-Ezra Taft Benson

“Perhaps there has never been a time when we had greater need to pray and to teach our family members to pray. Prayer is a defense against temptation. It is through earnest and heartfelt prayer that we can receive the needed blessings and the support required to make our way in this sometimes difficult and challenging journey we call mortality.”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can. Keep the covenants your children know you have made. And bear your testimony! Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own.
-Jeffrey R. Holland

"We hold in our arms the rising generation. They come to this earth with important responsibilities and great spiritual capacities. We cannot be casual in how we prepare them. Our challenge as parents and teachers is not to create a spiritual core in their souls but rather to fan the flame of their spiritual core already aglow with the fire of their premortal faith."
-Neil L. Andersen

"Certainly there are times when getting the family together to read the scriptures does not stack up as a spiritual experience worthy of a journal entry. But we must not be deterred. There are special times when the spirit of a son or daughter is just right and the power of these great scriptures goes down into their heart like fire. As we honor our Heavenly Father in our homes, He will honor our efforts."
-Neil L. Andersen

President Hinckley admonished both men and women to be nurturers. He said, ‘How much more beautiful would be the society in which we live if every father . . . and . . . mother regarded [their] children . . . as gifts from the God of heaven . . . and brought them up with true affection in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord.’ ”
-Susan W. Tanner

"Children are like trees. When they are young, their lives can be shaped and directed, usually with ever so little effort. Said the writer of Proverbs, 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it' (22:6). That training finds its roots in the home. There will be little of help from other sources. Do not depend on government to help in this darkening situation. Barbara Bush, wife of former U.S. president George Bush, spoke wisely: 'Your success as a family, our success as society, depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens inside your house.' "
-Gordon B. Hinckley

“I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”
-Henry B. Eyring

“Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence.”
-Margaret S. Lifferth

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."
- M. Russell Ballard

“As parents, we should remember that our lives may be the book from the family library which the children most treasure. Are our examples worthy of emulation? Do we live in such a way that a son or a daughter may say, ‘I want to follow my dad,’ or ‘I want to be like my mother’?”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Security for our families comes from learning self-control, avoiding the excesses of this world, and being temperate in all things.”
-Kent D. Watson

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

RegretfuLLLy

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