B+C+B+C+B+C: Oh, the mean older sibling...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Oh, the mean older sibling...

As the babies get more mobile, we're having problems with Brianna being unkind to them.
By unkind, I mean MEAN.
Pushing, pulling, throwing, yelling.... I feel like I'm playing referee all day.
Sometimes it's almost funny, like when I hear a baby burst into tears and Brianna walk away with her hands in the air saying, "he did it to his self!" and "she did it to her self!"
Right. Nice try squirrel.

What happened to THIS?!! Where is the love, the love, the love....

So she goes to timeout. Over and over again. I don't know what else to do! My first reaction is to just do whatever she did to them to her. Show her how it feels. But that would teach a great lesson, right? Just picture me yelling at her, "STOP YELLING AT THEM!"

WHY is she so mean to them? Why would she go out of her way to harass her siblings? Obviously, the times that they invade her bubble or try to take her toys, she's just being a typical non-sharing 3-year old and defending what she thinks is hers. But there are times she just walks up to them and pushes them down. Totally unprovoked.
I find myself, totally exasperated, saying things like, "Just leave them ALONE! Don't get near them, and I'll keep them away from you!" But that's probably not the right answer.
I'm thinking she'll get over this. Maybe it's just a stage. Maybe she's feeling jealous and resentful. She'll get over this, right?
But she might not, because I know some older siblings never get over those feelings and continue to be mean to their younger siblings even into adulthood. So sad.
I want to do whatever I can to prevent that. I mean, is it crazy to hope my children will be friends and like each other throughout their lives?! Or if they really don't like each other, at least be mature enough to not instigate contention ... to keep their distance and leave one another alone...

I do need to give her some credit though. She can be really sweet to them sometimes. I've seen her share toys, I've seen her firmly defend them when her little friends get too close, and when they wake up from their naps, she's the first to sprint into their room to greet them.

And sometimes she even shares entire heads of celery. It doesn't get more loving than that.

So there's hope. I know she loves them, like every person loves their siblings. Even if they may not LIKE them.

6 comments:

Unknown said...: I know your babes are a little young for this, but I was #4 of 5 girls, and my mom always used to say "All you have is each other. One day, I will be gone and all you will have is each other. Be kind." That worked more like when we were upwards of 5... but that's something that always stuck with me. :); June 14, 2011 at 7:32 AM
Joolz said...: We have gone through this with each new addition, so it's totally normal. Even my 2 year old niece (who we spent tons of time with) is always pushing my baby down. It's part of the toddler territory. The boys have responded well to me tell them a little story about my favorite things from when they were babies and cute things they did and how much I love them. Then I tell them when they were babies I did not allow people to hurt them or push them, so why should I allow them to hurt and push other babies. Josh loves hearing a story that reaffirms my love for him and he has responded well to seeing it from the babies point of view. It has helped but I still have to put him in time out from the baby ALL THE TIME!! He is not allowed to be in the same room with her if he can't keep his hands off of her.

Just give the twins a few months, as bad as it sounds as soon as they start hitting back Brianna won't bug them so much. Miriam is already starting to defend herself and it has really helped. Good luck! Being in the middle of it is exhausting!!!

Julie; June 14, 2011 at 12:50 PM
Unknown said...: As crazy as it is to live with, it's hilarious to read about. :) hahaha Good luck!; June 14, 2011 at 2:39 PM
Unknown said...: My kids are the best of friends but still are mean to each other. it's the same story every day.; June 14, 2011 at 3:33 PM
Malerie said...: Oh man, sorry, but I'm laughing at the image of Brianna storming away yelling, "he did it to his self!" :)

We just started this since Charlie is crawling now. Madeline is getting so frustrated that he's all over her stuff. If you find anything that works, let me know!; June 14, 2011 at 4:12 PM
Debbie said...: Oh my - I wish I could identify. Your first 4 siblings meshed like peas in a pod. They hardly knew which way to turn without each other close by. They will fondly remember the early morning Saturday wrestling shows and practicing the moves on one another to best understand what effect it would have on others. They were so watchful over our home and could explain sudden appearances of holes in our walls with a story bond that could only be matched by the most polished novelist. They met often to plan and unite in every effort to cement their union and power. They would of never thought to be mean to one another - they needed each other. To this day they call one another often with fond memories...
oh I'm sorry, like I said - just can't identify. Its probably something you're doing wrong. Just try a little harder.; June 15, 2011 at 6:45 AM

Quotes I want to remember

"The Lord knows our bearing capacity, both as to coping and to comprehending, and He will not give us more to bear than we can manage at the moment, though to us it may seem otherwise. Just as no temptations will come to us from which we cannot escape or which we cannot bear, we will not be given more trials than we can sustain."
- Neal A. Maxwell

"It is a fundamental truth that the responsibilities of motherhood cannot be successfully delegated. No, not to day-care centers, not to schools, not to nurseries, not to babysitters. We become enamored with men's theories such as the idea of preschool training outside the home for young children. Not only does this put added pressure on the budget, but it places young children in an environment away from mother's influence."
-Ezra Taft Benson

“Perhaps there has never been a time when we had greater need to pray and to teach our family members to pray. Prayer is a defense against temptation. It is through earnest and heartfelt prayer that we can receive the needed blessings and the support required to make our way in this sometimes difficult and challenging journey we call mortality.”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can. Keep the covenants your children know you have made. And bear your testimony! Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own.
-Jeffrey R. Holland

"We hold in our arms the rising generation. They come to this earth with important responsibilities and great spiritual capacities. We cannot be casual in how we prepare them. Our challenge as parents and teachers is not to create a spiritual core in their souls but rather to fan the flame of their spiritual core already aglow with the fire of their premortal faith."
-Neil L. Andersen

"Certainly there are times when getting the family together to read the scriptures does not stack up as a spiritual experience worthy of a journal entry. But we must not be deterred. There are special times when the spirit of a son or daughter is just right and the power of these great scriptures goes down into their heart like fire. As we honor our Heavenly Father in our homes, He will honor our efforts."
-Neil L. Andersen

President Hinckley admonished both men and women to be nurturers. He said, ‘How much more beautiful would be the society in which we live if every father . . . and . . . mother regarded [their] children . . . as gifts from the God of heaven . . . and brought them up with true affection in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord.’ ”
-Susan W. Tanner

"Children are like trees. When they are young, their lives can be shaped and directed, usually with ever so little effort. Said the writer of Proverbs, 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it' (22:6). That training finds its roots in the home. There will be little of help from other sources. Do not depend on government to help in this darkening situation. Barbara Bush, wife of former U.S. president George Bush, spoke wisely: 'Your success as a family, our success as society, depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens inside your house.' "
-Gordon B. Hinckley

“I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”
-Henry B. Eyring

“Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence.”
-Margaret S. Lifferth

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."
- M. Russell Ballard

“As parents, we should remember that our lives may be the book from the family library which the children most treasure. Are our examples worthy of emulation? Do we live in such a way that a son or a daughter may say, ‘I want to follow my dad,’ or ‘I want to be like my mother’?”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Security for our families comes from learning self-control, avoiding the excesses of this world, and being temperate in all things.”
-Kent D. Watson

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Oh, the mean older sibling...

6 comments:

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