B+C+B+C+B+C: spare the rod, spoil the child?

Friday, September 18, 2009

spare the rod, spoil the child?

I've officially initiated the time-out punishment program. Yesterday was Brianna's first time being sat down in the corner while we counted to thirty. Then we talked about what she did, hugged, and made amends. I'm not sure if she's old enough to understand. She definitely does not like being put in the corner for that long (we count to 30 pretty slowly - she tries to get up and I hold her down). She seems quite relieved at the end of the punishment to get hugged. She says sorry and helps clean up. I hope I'm doing this right.

I'd love to hear what other parents do.

I asked Brian how he was punished as a child, and he said he honestly can't remember ever being punished. Just allowed to do whatever he wanted.

I remember being grounded and having "privileges" taken away (lots of them), but I don't think Brianna's ready for that concept. I think I was spanked once, and chose to pretend it actually hurt so I could be done.
(if you're curious - yesterday's time-out was a consequence of her opening the front door and running straight out into the middle of the street, and today she threw her pieces of cantaloupe on the floor after I told her to stop. Devious child, I know).

10 comments:

Crystal and Jordan said...: you evil mom! time out sounds good to me! when do you go on your trip?; September 18, 2009 at 1:18 PM
Crystal and Jordan said...: you evil mom! time out sounds good to me! when do you go on your trip?; September 18, 2009 at 1:18 PM
Anonymous said...: I watched a special on t.v. the other day about disciplining children. They said holding them down only makes them more angry and the they want to hit back. Looks like we shouldn't do it either. I also heard that "time-outs" are bad because sometimes a certain amount of time isn't enough for them to calm down. The theory of time-outs is good minus the timing part.; September 18, 2009 at 2:02 PM
gilliay said...: I use the parenting with love and logic magic theory. When she does something wrong I sing "uh oh" so she knows it's wrong. Then she sits in a chair (most of the time she'll stay in the chair, if she starts to climb out I just tell her to stay put, sometimes I have to hold her hands so she can't climb out) for 20 seconds. We started with 10 seconds. It was long enough for her to get the idea. Then we hug and clean up. When she is really upset she gets timeout in her room. I ask her if she wants the door closed, if she doesn't give me a clear and kind answer, I just close it. I tell her she can come out when she is ready to be nice. It works! She comes out happy and jabbering or at least ready for a hug and cuddling time.; September 18, 2009 at 2:35 PM
Amy Hunter said...: I think you did that perfectly! But, may I recommend a fabulous book since you are getting into those wonderful days of "discipline?" (what I hate the most about babies growing up). The cover looks dumb, but don't judge the book by it. It's called "Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood." It's wonderful!!! I highly recommend it. In fact, they teach seminars and they also use it as their psychology at the charter school here in Provo.; September 18, 2009 at 2:37 PM
gilliay said...: Amy - that's the title I wanted! I HIGH recommend that book as well. My sister introduced me to it. She and her husband raised their kids with love and logic and it seems to have worked REALLY well. It's wonderful for Emma too.; September 19, 2009 at 4:08 PM
Debbie said...: I think it is so open of you to seek advice and comment. I think that you should call the local police dept. and have them pick her up, (probably avoid handcuffs), pack her off to the local jail, fingerprints good idea and have them introduce her to what happens when she can't obey the rules! Whew, really appreciate getting to express my well-seasoned views after raising 10 kids!; September 19, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Malerie said...: We do time outs too. We set the timer for a minute (I heard somewhere a minute for their age? Who knows) She mostly goes into time out for screaming. She basically screams the whole time she's in time out. So I'm not sure if it's really working :) I wonder how much they get too. Oh these girls are giving us a run for our money :) But they sure are cute (when they're asleep) ;); September 19, 2009 at 7:58 PM
Unknown said...: I spank sometimes when Addi is really not listening to me and the time outs aren't working. But she knows when I ask her if she wants a spanking that she is probably in big trouble and that she shouldn't do what she's doing. (I sure hope no one calls DCFS on me!) But generally, I put her in time out which consists of her sitting against a blank wall with no toys in close proximaty. And when she gets out of time out, we talk about why she was put there and then we hug and kiss. Most of the time, this method works for us.; September 21, 2009 at 3:03 PM
Mandy said...: My parents spanked, but I don't remember being spanked (I remember my siblings being spanked . . . I was one of the good kids! :)

We just started giving each of the girls 50 pennies in a cup at the beginning of each week. During the week, when they make a bad choice, a penny gets taken away (I try not to even give warnings, I feel like they are getting old enough to know when they are making a bad choice (like yelling or hitting). Anyway, at the end of the week, they get to keep what pennies are left. I realized this wouldn't work for Brianna yet, when the girls were her age, we did time outs. According to Super Nanny, it's supposed to be 1 min. for every year they are old. Also, you are supposed to leave them in time out and walk away. If they get up, their time out starts over. We kind of followed that with time outs, and I remember my girls sitting for the full two min. on the bottom step.

I think each parent needs to cater their parenting to their personalities as well as the personalities of the children.

Also, FYI, if the penny thing doesn't work and my girls are having a melt down, they are taken to lay in their beds until they are ready to be calm. (I guess kind of like time out) They are free to come out when they are done freaking out (they know this) but a lot of times, I end up going in after a few min. to see if they are ready. (otherwise, they fall asleep in there!!)

Good luck! Oh, and have you thought about a child proof door knob cover on your front door? We have one, and my girls STILL can't escape out the front door! It makes one less thing for me to worry about!; October 1, 2009 at 6:32 PM

Quotes I want to remember

"The Lord knows our bearing capacity, both as to coping and to comprehending, and He will not give us more to bear than we can manage at the moment, though to us it may seem otherwise. Just as no temptations will come to us from which we cannot escape or which we cannot bear, we will not be given more trials than we can sustain."
- Neal A. Maxwell

"It is a fundamental truth that the responsibilities of motherhood cannot be successfully delegated. No, not to day-care centers, not to schools, not to nurseries, not to babysitters. We become enamored with men's theories such as the idea of preschool training outside the home for young children. Not only does this put added pressure on the budget, but it places young children in an environment away from mother's influence."
-Ezra Taft Benson

“Perhaps there has never been a time when we had greater need to pray and to teach our family members to pray. Prayer is a defense against temptation. It is through earnest and heartfelt prayer that we can receive the needed blessings and the support required to make our way in this sometimes difficult and challenging journey we call mortality.”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can. Keep the covenants your children know you have made. And bear your testimony! Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own.
-Jeffrey R. Holland

"We hold in our arms the rising generation. They come to this earth with important responsibilities and great spiritual capacities. We cannot be casual in how we prepare them. Our challenge as parents and teachers is not to create a spiritual core in their souls but rather to fan the flame of their spiritual core already aglow with the fire of their premortal faith."
-Neil L. Andersen

"Certainly there are times when getting the family together to read the scriptures does not stack up as a spiritual experience worthy of a journal entry. But we must not be deterred. There are special times when the spirit of a son or daughter is just right and the power of these great scriptures goes down into their heart like fire. As we honor our Heavenly Father in our homes, He will honor our efforts."
-Neil L. Andersen

President Hinckley admonished both men and women to be nurturers. He said, ‘How much more beautiful would be the society in which we live if every father . . . and . . . mother regarded [their] children . . . as gifts from the God of heaven . . . and brought them up with true affection in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord.’ ”
-Susan W. Tanner

"Children are like trees. When they are young, their lives can be shaped and directed, usually with ever so little effort. Said the writer of Proverbs, 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it' (22:6). That training finds its roots in the home. There will be little of help from other sources. Do not depend on government to help in this darkening situation. Barbara Bush, wife of former U.S. president George Bush, spoke wisely: 'Your success as a family, our success as society, depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens inside your house.' "
-Gordon B. Hinckley

“I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”
-Henry B. Eyring

“Reverent behavior is not a natural tendency for most children. It is a quality that is taught by parents and leaders through example and training. But remember, if reverence is rooted in love, so is the teaching of it. Harshness in our training begets resentment, not reverence.”
-Margaret S. Lifferth

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."
- M. Russell Ballard

“As parents, we should remember that our lives may be the book from the family library which the children most treasure. Are our examples worthy of emulation? Do we live in such a way that a son or a daughter may say, ‘I want to follow my dad,’ or ‘I want to be like my mother’?”
-Thomas S. Monson

“Security for our families comes from learning self-control, avoiding the excesses of this world, and being temperate in all things.”
-Kent D. Watson

Friday, September 18, 2009

spare the rod, spoil the child?

10 comments:

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