A Visiting Teaching story

I wasn't going to share this story on the blog... because it's long (thus the tiny typing) and personal (which = boring?) but just yesterday I felt like I should for my own sake, or it will be one of those experiences that are totally forgotten. And it shouldn't be forgotten, because it was a very frustrating yet strengthening one for me. One of those major out-of-my-comfort-zone moments. I should probably start a real journal. But maybe someone else will benefit from reading this this. Here we go: 
I've never liked the title of our church's program Visiting Teaching. It just sounds so formal. I think of it as "assigned chatting." But maybe I should treat it more formal and take it more seriously. I mean - I always do it. I like being able to report 100%. That's just my compulsive nature. It wouldn't matter what it was - if I'm supposed to do something and I know someone will be calling me at the end of the month to find out if I did it... I'm going to do it.  Could someone please call me at the end of the month to find out if I've lost 10 pounds yet? Maybe that will motivate me enough to get it done.  :)   So in Cedar City, my "companion" was Jami Niles. Love that girl. We got really close and spent a lot of time together during my 20 month tenure in Southern Utah. We had a lot in common, yet enough dissimilar to keep it interesting. 
Jami and I visited 4 women. Three were relatively easy - super active in the church, flexible schedules, and didn't mind that we always tended to gab on and on way too long (I'm a big believer in a twenty minute time limit to visits... yet I usually go way over). But one of our "assignments" wasn't active in the church at all. I'll just call her M.   I know she won't read this (not that I would mind if she did), because she doesn't really do internet stuff, as far as I know. No Facebook, email, blogging.... that would've made it more easy to get to know her better! I tried hard to internet-stalk, but came up with nothing. She never answered phone calls or texts either. So Jami and I just had to randomly stop by. Every month. Several times a month. Sometimes there was no answer all month long. We dropped off notes and gifts. So - why not stop harassing her? Obviously she didn't WANT us coming! You'd think. But when we DID get to visit with her... it was great! We always had a nice conversation and she seemed to genuinely appreciate that we came over! She had told the RS Prez that she did, in fact, want (or would be willing to have? Big difference. Don't know how it was presented) Visiting Teachers. So until she would tell us to not come back anymore.... we were going to keep on coming! I even told her in the notes we'd leave at her door (when it was the end of the month and we still hadn't caught her) that I didn't want to bug her or be annoying in any way. We just wanted to be her friend. And her neighbor - she was only a few doors down. And I really meant it! I like M. She was a really cool girl - a fabulous decorator, very down-to-earth, so super duper gorgeous it was unfair, and a good mom to their 5 year boy (one of the cutest little boys you've ever seen on this planet. Serious). We had a unique connection because she knew my inlaws pretty well. So that was a topic of conversation I could fall back on if we ran out of things to talk about. We had some good laughs about small-town stereotypes and our similar experiences in Ferron-town visits. 
So month after month, we visited. We talked. We shared a short message from the Ensign while she silently listened. It got a little awkward sometimes. But I tried to always keep it light. I never want to seem pushy or self righteous. I didn't want to be another reason she stayed away from church! Yet I was dying to know what WAS her reason for staying away! I had no idea. Her husband was also from an active family. But they didn't come to any activities I invited them to, and only came to church once (such a thrill for me! I totally thought something amazing had happened! But it was a one-hit wonder).
My RS Prez called me one night and asked if I wanted to just take her off our visiting teaching list. She knew of our monthly struggles to contact her and apparent lack of progress. I told her no way. I couldn't. 
Because one day, months previous, I had been walking by and M's father happened to be visiting. I stopped to say hi. When I told him I was M's visiting teacher, he looked at me and said, "don't give up on her." He said it with a smile, but I sensed he was very serious and sincere. I promised him I wouldn't. 


So - fast forward to our final week in Cedar City. I had 6 days notice that we were moving. I had hundreds of things to do. Fast. One of those things was a final visit to M. I knew I couldn't leave with just another superficial conversation tip-toeing around the real issue. No more ignoring the elephant in the corner. 
Before our visit, I read this talk by Elder Bednar, and printed out a copy for M.  If you haven't read it, read it now. If you have already heard it, read it again. Such an amazing message. You can't read it without feeling the truthfulness of his words in your heart. I wasn't sure if M's issue had to do with being offended, but I thought it couldn't hurt to bring it with me in case. 
So Jami and I knocked on M's door for our final visit. Fortunately we caught her. She actually had moved homes in the neighborhood just a couple months prior, so we weren't even sure we had the right door (all the homes in our neighborhood look the same). 
The conversation started as usual. How's your job....how's your son.... love what you've done with your home... what are you reading lately (she loves reading)... how was your birthday.... blahblahblah. That went on way too long before I finally got up the courage. I tried hard to hide my voice shaking. But I knew this was it - I was leaving and likely wouldn't see her again, so if I offended her by being blunt... oh well. I'd rather live with that, than live wondering what would've happened if I hadn't taken then easy route. So I told M... before I move, I want you to know - this may have been as assignment to visit you, but I'd be here even if it wasn't, because I consider you a great friend, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to know you more  [yes, I was doing a run-on sentence - I was nervous!]. M - what exactly is preventing you from fully participating in the programs and blessings of the church?
I had no idea what reaction to expect. Jami sat in silence next to me. M hesitated. Then she opened up and we had a great conversation about her issues with the church. I can't really begin to explain them, because it wasn't making sense at all. I don't even think it made sense to her. I think she was looking for excuses. She mentioned a few things that upset her about church history and current social issues. And I totally validated that. I could relate. I don't understand certain parts of our history and why our current church leaders have made particular decisions! M said it wasn't her husband that was holding their family back from church - it was her. She said the one time they had gone, it was because she wanted her son to learn more about Jesus Christ. But something someone had said in their testimony (she came on the first Sunday of a month) didn't sit well with her. I listened to everything she had to say. I asked a few gentle, prodding questions. I tried to not be judgmental at all and just listen. In the end I told her that I understood a lot of her concerns and shared them. There's so much we don't understand. We'll never understand it all. So I put those issues up on the shelf. Because they don't matter as much as what I DO know - The Book of Mormon is true. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the Lord's church upon this earth. We are led by a prophet of God. I know this without any doubt in my mind. I feel the truthfulness of the gospel validated to me when I pray for help. Real joy and happiness in this life and beyond can only be fully found within The Plan of our Heavenly Father. Every ounce of my being is sure of this.
I gave M the copy of the talk. I asked her to read it and read it with her husband. I told her that she needs the church and the church needs her. The blessings of the gospel will bring happiness to her and her family forever. We left with a prayer, all of us teary eyed. 
I wish I could say there was a happy ending here. I don't know what M will choose to do. I don't know how I came across with my blunt statements. I know I feel like I did everything I could. I really love M and her family. I'm grateful for the experience of visiting her. If nothing else good came from it, at least my own testimony has been strengthened.