Monday, June 27, 2011

2nd place is the first loser.

So.... I got second in the contest. By 13 stinkin posts. 516 to 529. THIRTEEN. I can't tell you how much I kicked myself afterward for not just staying home all day and working harder. By "working harder" I mean harassing and nagging more people to do what I tell them to do with little explanation. People like that, right? I had one kid, Casey, that refused to do the referral for me simply because he didn't feel like it. It took me several minutes of sending messages back and forth, including, "I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SWIM, YOU PUNK! Go vote!" Finally he did it, and then decided it was fun and got half a dozen others to do it. I have dozens - actually, hundreds - of little stories like that. I was on a roll. I really thought I had it in the bag. My stomach went into knots when I got the news I lost. The unexpected $100 consolation prize did little to pull me out of my instant crippling depression.
A little dramatic over something relatively trivial? Maybe. I mean, there are people starving in Africa, and I'm having a huge pitty party over a Facebook contest to win money we aren't really in need of.
But it wasn't ever really about the money... I JUST WANTED to WIN!
What's wrong with me?! Am I really this prideful and competitive?! I guess it's just because I TRIED so hard. I reallyreally TRIED!  I mean - there are millions of people millions of times better than me at millions of different things. But the difference is that I didn't put any effort into being good at those! So I don't care about them. I'm kindof an all-or-nothing person. If I'm going to get INTO something, I'm going 100%. I need to get over that; it's probably not healthy. Like with my running - I'm kindasortamaybe trying to get back in shape. But it's scary to even TRY, because what if I just get injured, or otherwise FAIL in some aspect...
Let's play Where's Chelsea.          Hint: Turquoise, behind guy in black pants.
Like this 5K a couple weeks ago. The director sent out this photo, and it just sent a sting of regret because again - I didn't win. I placed second. I purposely chose a small, low-key race, away from Utah County where all the supafast girls race... and I still couldn't win. As I was chatting with the winner girl afterward (a cute 20 yr old with no kids, who rode her BIKE to the race...that was ME in a different lifetime...) I didn't fail to casually mention, "well, gotta get back to my twin babies..."  Wouldn't want her to think it was a fair race or anything  :)
So I'm thinking the solution to my problem is to change my mentality back to what it was when I first had my babies:     I need to have lower expectations for myself. That way, if I ever do happen to do something great, then it will just be a pleasant surprise - instead of a big disappointment every time I fail to be awesome. Sounds good, right? It works. I promise. Lowering the bar, people. Lowering the bar.

4 comments:

Fei said...

You know, you should try harassing us for $1 instead of a vote. You might get $516 to make up for it. ;)

Or more. I'm sure there are some people prefer giving a buck away over liking a Facebook page they don't really like.

chelsea mckell said...

Fei, that' GENIUS! I'm going on FB right now to inform all my friends that they can like a page, or give me a dollar. They have no other choice. If I had a day job, I'd totally quit it to pursue this new business venture.

NO NO NO - the point has been missed - no amount of money would make up for LOOOOOOOOSSSSING!

Becky said...

Hilarious and yet I feel your struggle(s). I read a cool quote on a blog the other day.

"the greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul." {David O. McKay quoted by guest poster on C. Jane Enjoy It)

To me, this means that despite how trivial our inner struggles (wanting to be the winner) may seem when compared to global issues (people starving in Africa)...they are still significant and important.

I think changing your mentality IS the answer but I DON'T know that lowering the bar or your expectations of reaching the bar is.

I think accomplishment makes you a winner. That is why I don't understand races. Maybe that's because I've never won one? But my point is, someone can run a 5k for FREE anytime they want and feel like a winner because of the accomplishment.

Just my thoughts.

BBS said...

Hey Chelsea- I just want to point out that you have already done many many great things! Love ya-